what to do?

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forresthickman
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what to do?

Postby forresthickman » Tue Sep 23, 2014 1:42 pm

what do you do when you have a grown adult child (who was living with her parents), then she moves far away, but insists that her parents do NOT allow her records to be sent to her new residence because she doesn't want to be contacted by the Church? i assume i leave her records at the parents address? she has children of her own that went with her. her mother is an active member of my Ward, but now won't give me her daughters forwarding address. i know what city, but thats it.

russellhltn
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Re: what to do?

Postby russellhltn » Tue Sep 23, 2014 2:18 pm

That's a sticky problem. I'd start by reading the Handbook 1 and see if you see anything that applies.

  • You could leave the record in your ward, but unless she returns to the area, I don't see that doing much good.
  • You could follow the steps outlined for moving records to "address unknown".
  • If the city is in a area of sparse LDS presence (like the mid-west) there might be just one ward that covers that city. But I'd give them a heads up before sending them a record with no contact information.
  • This is just me personally, but I'd let her know the process for removing her name from the records. The church teaches agency, and I've never bought into the idea of "you can join but you never can leave". Maybe she'll find she can't leave, and will end up returning. If not, then she can stop worrying about us and the church can focus their attention on someone more receptive.
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johnshaw
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Re: what to do?

Postby johnshaw » Tue Sep 23, 2014 2:38 pm

Seems to me the easiest option is to allow the records to stay where her parents are. They, and they alone, are going to be the BEST people able keep in touch. It is possible that this person is at the beginning of her disillusionment when emotions are close to the surface. Let it die down and revisit with the parents every so often.
“A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom.”
― Thomas Paine, Common Sense

forresthickman
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Re: what to do?

Postby forresthickman » Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:43 am

Thank you... i think it best to just keep them here so we have a parent contact.

now another question... do leave her records completely alone (as head of household)? or put her with her mother? if i put her with her mother, then the mother will be the head of household.

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aebrown
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Re: what to do?

Postby aebrown » Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:11 am

forresthickman wrote:Thank you... i think it best to just keep them here so we have a parent contact.

Handbook 1, 13.6 makes it quite clear that the rule is that membership records are to be in the ward where the member resides, and that any exception to that rule requires quite a bit of approval. I don't know what calling you have, but it's certainly not within the clerk's authority to make such a decision. At the very least, the bishop must be involved in such a decision.

forresthickman wrote:now another question... do leave her records completely alone (as head of household)? or put her with her mother? if i put her with her mother, then the mother will be the head of household.

That's also the bishop's call, but I'd recommend keeping her in her mother's household. Putting her in a separate household will just increase the chance that auxiliary and other leaders try to contact her, which doesn't sound very possible at this point.

forresthickman
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Re: what to do?

Postby forresthickman » Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:07 am

of course i would get the Bishops approval, i do for everything, i was just thinking of options.

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johnshaw
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Re: what to do?

Postby johnshaw » Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:42 am

forresthickman, just for the future you might want to be specific when asking your questions, the members of this forum tend to make the assumption that a clerk does things without talking to the Bishop (unless it is specifically stated). In the future you might label your question with the following statement:

"Working under the direction of my Bishop, I have this question...."
“A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom.”

― Thomas Paine, Common Sense


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